When things go wrong, some people immediately try to single out whose fault it is. That can lead to everyone blaming each other. In the end, nothing gets done about whatever went wrong.

For example, let's say Will gets dengue fever. The doctor says it is the mosquito's fault. She scolds Will for not using insect repellent. The doctor also accuses his parents of allowing mosquitos to breed at home. And, that is all she does — blame mosquito, blame Will and blame parents. The most urgent issue (his illness) is neglected.

Instead of pointing fingers of blame, the doctor should be asking: "What treatment will help Will to recover?" and "How can we prevent dengue fever spreading?" It should be less about whose fault it is. It should be more about how to make things better.

When you encounter a problem, do you blame others or make excuses for yourself? If you do, then stop, rewind and start again. This time, try to pinpoint what exactly went wrong (your diagnosis). Then, figure out how to make it right again (your treatment). And, stop it from repeating (your prevention plan). Can you see how this second route is about solutions rather than blame?

Your choice of words can steer you straight into finger pointing or towards healthy solution seeking.

For instance, see how different these feel:

	"Who messed up?" "It's your fault." "Don’t blame me!"
	"I wonder what went wrong." "How can it be fixed?"
	"Surely we can make it better. Let's figure out how."

Notice how the questions feel negative? The questions are neutral and good to ask. The statements are inclusive: "we" and "us" mean that you and I are in this together. The statements also offer hope. Use a combination of and responses when something goes wrong in your life.

- MARY GEORGE